We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Dear Twilight Fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTH happened?!
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
That Little Triangle
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Dear Anne Frank,
Two can play this game….
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Nail Salon Ladies
I’m sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn’t hear you over my health care benefits.
Dear Global Warming,
You’re the best imaginary friend ever!
Dear Ugly People,
Dear Mr. Gump
What are you talking about? There’s a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you’re gonna get….
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream…. What now?
Leonardo Di Caprio
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
GET BACK TO WORK!
Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
If he sparkles, he’s probably one of ours .
Gay Men Of America
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up…
The Girls of Jersey Shore
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Til next time...God bless!